Life is hard. People are complex.

My boss for many years at Standard Publishing, Gene Wigginton, had a saying that my wife and I repeat to each other regularly. (She even makes it the answer to a test question in her human development class.)
"Life is hard; people are complex," he said, and we remember that every time we come up against something about someone that is sad or inexplicable or odd.

I thought of those words again this evening in the wake of some shocking news we heard this afternoon. Ray Henry, director of operations at Memorial Hall, died today after shooting a friend and himself Friday afternoon. The woman he shot is still alive in critical condition. His family isn't talking to  reporters. We may never know why this shocking tragedy happened.
For us this isn't just another news story. We had many contacts with Ray in the months before our wedding, because our reception was at Memorial Hall, and Ray was the person who arranged the details, recommended the caterer Jennifer chose, opened the building when we or others needed to check it out--for months before the event.
Carol and David Ray did most of the leg work and planning for the reception, and today David spoke of Ray's good nature, interesting stories, and cooperative spirit.
Responding to the news of the apparent murder-suicide, Jennifer described him as "kind (I thought)." The news story spoke of a police record that contained other violent incidents against women.
One of her friends responded on Facebook, "Often things are not as they appear."
All this underscores for me the truth of Wigginton's proverb. It's the "people are complex" part that strikes me. Because we didn't just think Ray was kind; he was kind! It's not that things are not as they appear; it's that things are often more than they appear.
Who is the preacher who loses his temper at a staff person without warning? He is the man who preaches the gospel faithfully and brings comfort to the bereft and besieged. He is both. It's not that he's a fake when he stands in the pulpit; it's just that he's more frail and fallen than he appears.
Who is the man who can't keep his eyes off the young women dressed in garments too low, too tight, and too high on city streets in the summertime? He is the man who loves his wife, sacrifices for his kids, and follows the rules at work. Is he a good man? Yes. Is he broken and beset by temptation? Yes. He's both.
Who is the woman who's jealous of the attention her pretty daughter receives? She is the mother who would give her very life to see her daughter healthy and happy.
Who is the elder who jokes about homosexuals? Who is the deacon who harbors racial prejudice? Who is the Christian consumed by consumerism? They are leaders of our churches, people who love God and his Word, folks who give to good causes and work toward good ends.
Another phrase I remember and repeat is from an old hymn: "O to grace how great a debtor, daily I'm constrained to be." I have not committed crimes of record like Ray Henry did, but I am more than I appear. All the good some folks know about me is true. But God knows dark corners of my heart they have not seen.
Ray Henry's tragedy reminds me again how utterly grateful I am to have discovered the God of amazing grace . . . and how sorry I am I didn't have the chance to tell Ray about him. And I can't help but wonder how much pain or confusion or fear or heartbreak lies hidden behind the smiling faces of so  many people I meet regularly. They are kind and bright and intelligent and productive. And they are more.